Diary of a LAN Manager

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To everyone who has had to deal with me today: I'm sorry. Apparently I'm on an emotional tear because I can't shut my mouth, can't mind my own business, and can't stop chewing other people out for using up my precious air. Please disregard any and all bitchfests for the next 24 hours - hopefully I'll be able to rein myself back in by then.

Just for today, I will not beat myself up for all my perceived failures. I will not question all my past decisions when there's no hope of changing the outcome. I will not give in to self-pity for not getting a masters degree, for not writing the great American novel, for not being the same weight I was in high school or college. I will not wallow in self-doubt about my abilities as a parent, a wife, an employee, a colleague. I will not give up. I will not stop dreaming, nor will I stop working towards those dreams. I will not let setbacks become road blocks; I will not not let roadblocks become insurmountable obstacles. I will believe in me. I will believe.

"See me comin to town with my soul Straight down out of the world with my fingers Holding onto the devil I know All my troubles'll hang on your trigger Take your eyes and your mind from the road Shoot your mouth off but look where you're aiming Don't forget to pick up what you sow Talking trash to the garbage around you..." (Beck) It worries my kids sometimes that I listen to progressive rock; that I could pick Beck out of a lineup, or that I know the lyrics to some of the racier NIN songs. But music - music is more than just entertainment for me. It's a running soundtrack to my life. I love my iPod but I don't have NEARLY enough music on it, mostly because, other than the Audible book tracks, everything on my U2 iPod is, well, U2. I need to get past that, I know, because U2 isn't the only band I like. There should be ample room for my Sting collection, and my Jackson Browne, and even my Def Leppard if I so desire. Most of the time I don't need my

Does anyone know where I can buy a lovely handbasket? I have an impending trip to Hell, and I want to be sure to have the appropriate accessories. Yesterday was not a good day. I said a prayer for Terri Schiavo, another for the Pope, and no - I'm not Catholic. I'm just a backslidden Baptist. Then I spent the day fighting down my anger at my department manager for failing to back me up on an issue I felt was very important. I'm better, but there will be some changes made. Things have been dicey ever since the whole "go with the department/stay with NCS" fiasco. I thought we had it settled, but my ability to influence has been compromised, and I'm feeling pressured to change my way of doing business to more closely match that of our parent department. I can't do that in good conscience, so I think it's time to start thinking about what my next step will be.