"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant"
"Least said, soonest mended"
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can put my heart through the shreddder"

Words have power. No one denies that. Words can build, words can break. Words chosen in anger can crumble a relationship of many years. Words taken out of context to build support for an argument can be devastating. The stronger my feelings are, the less I want to say for fear of saying the "wrong" thing, for fear of being misunderstood. When I snap under the pressure and try to vent, like a pressure cooker that's been cranked up too high, usually everyone involved, myself included, gets burned.

I've been publicly humiliated enough. I surrender. I'm tired of fighting. I give up. I'm the witch you say I am if it will make all of this stop.

Comments

Stephen said…
Let's talk about the love in question here...


The fact: My eldest sister makes several laments about her relationship to my wife, followed by expressing how she should not put up with her brother's perceived shortcomings.
I see: Insecurity, sour grapes.

The fact: My personal Web site goes offline shortly after Thanksgiving, but conveniently redirects to home page of parents network consulting business.
I see: Done in hopes of getting a reaction or at the very least traffic to site.

The fact: My youngest sister doesn't get desired sympathy and then strikes me in the back of the head. I react, and my parents make it up to her by taking her shopping.
I see: Dangerous behavior met with enabling tendencies.

The fact: My mother asks my in-laws if they would like to go open a bottle of Vodka, in an effort to drown away the pains of son being married..
I see: Sad. Just sad.

The fact: My mother expresses frustration that I live with my fiancée but cannot be happy enough that her daughter has plans to follow boyfriend to the other side of the country.
I see: Double standard.

The fact: Wedding gift from parents and two sisters rounded out to be about $27 at local target.
I see: "You're on your own, buddy."

The fact: Parents flew sister in for wedding because she had no money and in spite of requests by groom not to, yet she went on trip to ocean upon return to Arizona.
I see: Highway robbery that only congress can get away with.

The fact: Upon asking for help to sell a washer and dryer, parents took it upon self to change price arbitrarily higher without asking.
I see: No respect or trust in my judgement or intentions.

The fact: Upon being queried on changed price of washer and dryer, invokes memory of late grandfather with far-fetched story about how he would have done the same thing.
I see: Psychological warfare.

The list could go on with inappropriate comments born out of what I can only guess are personal insecurities or perception. I have had nothing to say for close to a year now because every interaction that comes to mind has been vitriolic and generally hard to swallow. I have no indication that such behavior will ever change or even be acknowledged.

If this is all a mystery to you, I have no reason to believe that things will ever change. In that case, there is no need to concern yourself about your perceived "humiliation" any longer.

- Stephen
9:57 PM
Mint Julep said…
http://diaryofalibraryrat.blogspot.com/
10:03 PM
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