A brief discussion of the rights of grandparents.... with apologies for those whom this might offend.
My friend Mike has a lovely little grandchild. His granddaughter was born to his son and his son's live-in (they opted not to marry so as not to mess up her college funding). Subsequently, the two decided they didn't want to spend the rest of their lives together, so the son began proceedings to establish legal parental rights. This process has not gone well, and the girl's mother also wants to block Mike and his wife from access to the child. So off to court they go - and I can't say that I blame them. They want what's best for this child, and the mom isn't quite meeting their standards.
But I'm not blameless in this discussion either. My children had three sets of grandparents, so to speak. My husband's parents, my mother, and my father and his wife and family. Out of respect to my mother, and because I never quite repaired the relationship with my father after I turned 17, we didn't spend much time with my father and his family. I can count the visits pretty much on both hands over a span of 20+ years. I have a half-brother I rarely acknowledge, partly because he's only two years older than Stephen. In retrospect, I realize I made a mistake, but in my desire not to make waves, not to disturb the status quo, not to create a scene, I opted to limit those visits. I'm sorry that I made those choices all those years ago. Daddy had a right to be more than just the guy who sent money on birthdays and at Christmas.
That's the world we live in, though. When the nuclear family went, well, "nuclear", and divorce became the norm rather than the exception; when extended family came to mean all your friends instead of all your blood relatives; when "blood is thicker than water" became a quaint phrase instead of a truism, then I guess the rights of grandparents disappeared too. They no longer have the right to say "my" grandchild just because of blood relation. Frankly, that's just sad.
My friend Mike has a lovely little grandchild. His granddaughter was born to his son and his son's live-in (they opted not to marry so as not to mess up her college funding). Subsequently, the two decided they didn't want to spend the rest of their lives together, so the son began proceedings to establish legal parental rights. This process has not gone well, and the girl's mother also wants to block Mike and his wife from access to the child. So off to court they go - and I can't say that I blame them. They want what's best for this child, and the mom isn't quite meeting their standards.
But I'm not blameless in this discussion either. My children had three sets of grandparents, so to speak. My husband's parents, my mother, and my father and his wife and family. Out of respect to my mother, and because I never quite repaired the relationship with my father after I turned 17, we didn't spend much time with my father and his family. I can count the visits pretty much on both hands over a span of 20+ years. I have a half-brother I rarely acknowledge, partly because he's only two years older than Stephen. In retrospect, I realize I made a mistake, but in my desire not to make waves, not to disturb the status quo, not to create a scene, I opted to limit those visits. I'm sorry that I made those choices all those years ago. Daddy had a right to be more than just the guy who sent money on birthdays and at Christmas.
That's the world we live in, though. When the nuclear family went, well, "nuclear", and divorce became the norm rather than the exception; when extended family came to mean all your friends instead of all your blood relatives; when "blood is thicker than water" became a quaint phrase instead of a truism, then I guess the rights of grandparents disappeared too. They no longer have the right to say "my" grandchild just because of blood relation. Frankly, that's just sad.
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