I am half sick of shadows... Another day, another week, another month, another year. I'm having trouble focusing. I need to learn to let go of the pressures of work, of life, of family. I need to quit fearing the next phone call, the next doctor's visit, the next buzzing of the alarm clock. I am here in this moment, I'm alive and doing fairly well, and I need to celebrate that instead of listening to the ticking of the clock, anticipating the next moment. It's a character flaw I need to work on, and I guess today's as good as any to start.
I thought about deleting all the past posts - none of them have any meaning to anyone but me anyway- but I couldn't do it. Let them sit there, unread and unremembered. There were no posts in 2009. There was nothing positive I could find to say, although there were happy moments mixed with the sad. The sweet mixed with the bitter. The birth of my nephew, the death of my mother, the numbness that followed, and lingers. The start of my journey towards an MBA, the job that no longer inspires me, the purchase of an Airstream to help bring me back to center. That was 2009. This is 2010. It's time to turn and face forward, and soldier on.
Comments