Just for today, I will not beat myself up for all my perceived failures. I will not question all my past decisions when there's no hope of changing the outcome. I will not give in to self-pity for not getting a masters degree, for not writing the great American novel, for not being the same weight I was in high school or college. I will not wallow in self-doubt about my abilities as a parent, a wife, an employee, a colleague. I will not give up. I will not stop dreaming, nor will I stop working towards those dreams. I will not let setbacks become road blocks; I will not not let roadblocks become insurmountable obstacles. I will believe in me. I will believe.
I've never been good with expressing emotions. I always felt that emotions were a sign of weakness - part of being raised as my father's "son", I suppose. Lately I'm having a hard time bottling up those things that bubble up when people start flinging arrows and stones. Some I deserve. Others, less so. Innocent comments get taken out of context and used to further some cause. I make a genuine post about an overwhelming feeling I have, and someone turns it into an accusation, based on some sort of internet statistic that proves I've posted in response to something else. Frankly, I don't see the connection. I get angry more often than I used to, but I often feel like I've been kicked in the gut too. I'm not accustomed to that one. It usually brings tears. Intended kindnesses are perceived as attempts to control. And this post will be labeled as an attempt to send someone on a guilt trip - but hey - if the shoe fits, baby, wear it out.
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