Does anyone know where I can buy a lovely handbasket? I have an impending trip to Hell, and I want to be sure to have the appropriate accessories. Yesterday was not a good day. I said a prayer for Terri Schiavo, another for the Pope, and no - I'm not Catholic. I'm just a backslidden Baptist. Then I spent the day fighting down my anger at my department manager for failing to back me up on an issue I felt was very important. I'm better, but there will be some changes made. Things have been dicey ever since the whole "go with the department/stay with NCS" fiasco. I thought we had it settled, but my ability to influence has been compromised, and I'm feeling pressured to change my way of doing business to more closely match that of our parent department. I can't do that in good conscience, so I think it's time to start thinking about what my next step will be.
I've never been good with expressing emotions. I always felt that emotions were a sign of weakness - part of being raised as my father's "son", I suppose. Lately I'm having a hard time bottling up those things that bubble up when people start flinging arrows and stones. Some I deserve. Others, less so. Innocent comments get taken out of context and used to further some cause. I make a genuine post about an overwhelming feeling I have, and someone turns it into an accusation, based on some sort of internet statistic that proves I've posted in response to something else. Frankly, I don't see the connection. I get angry more often than I used to, but I often feel like I've been kicked in the gut too. I'm not accustomed to that one. It usually brings tears. Intended kindnesses are perceived as attempts to control. And this post will be labeled as an attempt to send someone on a guilt trip - but hey - if the shoe fits, baby, wear it out.
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