Surviving the first week of 2005 wasn't too hard... although there are changes afoot in my world that I'm not quite sure I'm ready to handle. Changes in management's direction and directives have everyone uneasy. I may be asked to make a choice in who I answer to - the department I provide support to as a service, or the group who placed me with the department. I'll work it out - I always manage to land on my feet, cat-like as always. As always, my piddly-assed problems pale in comparison to the grand scheme of things - a friend of ours has a wife who is either slipping into dementia in her early sixties or her breast cancer has metastasized and she has a brain tumor. Neither sounds like good news to me. And as if I needed a larger reminder of my global insignificance, the tsunami disaster serves its purpose remarkably well. I can't comprehend the devastation involved, the suffering, the sickness, the hunger, the pain. It overwhelms me. So I do the only thing I can do - pray, and count my many blessings.
I've never been good with expressing emotions. I always felt that emotions were a sign of weakness - part of being raised as my father's "son", I suppose. Lately I'm having a hard time bottling up those things that bubble up when people start flinging arrows and stones. Some I deserve. Others, less so. Innocent comments get taken out of context and used to further some cause. I make a genuine post about an overwhelming feeling I have, and someone turns it into an accusation, based on some sort of internet statistic that proves I've posted in response to something else. Frankly, I don't see the connection. I get angry more often than I used to, but I often feel like I've been kicked in the gut too. I'm not accustomed to that one. It usually brings tears. Intended kindnesses are perceived as attempts to control. And this post will be labeled as an attempt to send someone on a guilt trip - but hey - if the shoe fits, baby, wear it out.
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