December kinda snuck up on me. I was so focused on getting funds and family together for Thanksgiving that it didn't occur to me that November was over. And now it's Christmas, and I have a whole new set of challenges to tackle. My mother-in-law had back surgery yesterday to correct a slipped disk/pinched nerve that had left her with no reflexes in her left leg. She's aware that the timing sucks, but she was afraid to wait, afraid that the damage might be permanent. I'm not sure what we can do to help her from here, but I'll think of something. On a less important note, I'd like to host Christmas dinner here again this year for Momma and Larisa, but first I've got some more remodeling to work on. There's no way in hell I'll get it finished, but we've GOT to get some kind of flooring in place in the remainder of the kitchen, and decide once and for all if we're pulling out the island and replacing it with an U-shaped configuration. Do we pull out the paneling and two layers of wallpaper and replace it with sheetrock, or do we just paint over the mess? Can we reuse the existing cabinets for now or are we going to have to try to scrape together some serious financing? Can I make do with the existing antique Jenn-Air, or are new appliances required? More sleepless nights, more impossible days and weekends. But hey, this is life. This is what it's like in a world where every day is a new crisis and a new adventure and a new opportunity to screw up or excel. Gotta love it.
I've never been good with expressing emotions. I always felt that emotions were a sign of weakness - part of being raised as my father's "son", I suppose. Lately I'm having a hard time bottling up those things that bubble up when people start flinging arrows and stones. Some I deserve. Others, less so. Innocent comments get taken out of context and used to further some cause. I make a genuine post about an overwhelming feeling I have, and someone turns it into an accusation, based on some sort of internet statistic that proves I've posted in response to something else. Frankly, I don't see the connection. I get angry more often than I used to, but I often feel like I've been kicked in the gut too. I'm not accustomed to that one. It usually brings tears. Intended kindnesses are perceived as attempts to control. And this post will be labeled as an attempt to send someone on a guilt trip - but hey - if the shoe fits, baby, wear it out.
Comments