Meeting day. I dread this more than usual - apparently it was decided that we would go-live with the new project, which I'm adamantly against, since it has a less than stellar success rate. I'm the only one reporting problems though; most of the other testers have been busy blowing sunshine, so obviously it's my problem and/or something that I'm doing wrong. I just hope no one asks for my comments on the subject. I like my job, but I'm not going to lie to keep it. And truthfully, I hope for their sakes and ours that I'm wrong, that it is just me. I don't want the whole group to take a credibility hit if this thing crashes and burns the way I expect it to. But that's life, I guess. I seemed to be cursed with the role of Cassandra - I speak the truth about the future, but no one wants to hear...
I've never been good with expressing emotions. I always felt that emotions were a sign of weakness - part of being raised as my father's "son", I suppose. Lately I'm having a hard time bottling up those things that bubble up when people start flinging arrows and stones. Some I deserve. Others, less so. Innocent comments get taken out of context and used to further some cause. I make a genuine post about an overwhelming feeling I have, and someone turns it into an accusation, based on some sort of internet statistic that proves I've posted in response to something else. Frankly, I don't see the connection. I get angry more often than I used to, but I often feel like I've been kicked in the gut too. I'm not accustomed to that one. It usually brings tears. Intended kindnesses are perceived as attempts to control. And this post will be labeled as an attempt to send someone on a guilt trip - but hey - if the shoe fits, baby, wear it out.
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