I skipped work yesterday ;) Took a personal day to take Michael to the allergy specialist and to get Heather to orientation at Nashville School of the Arts. I realized today that her sudden outbursts of anarchy (ie, "I'm not buying one of their stupid planners. I'm going to get one from Staples. I don't care if they do put me in ISS.") are really her way of panicking - she feels totally scared and out of control, so she attempts to regain that sense of control by being obstinate. But we worked it out, talked it out, and by the time she'd gotten her photo ID and met up with five or six of her friends from previous schools/school years, she was in much better spirits. The defensive posture was pretty much gone. She was disappointed that she'd have to take Algebra again this year, but passing the Gateway with a 96 wasn't sufficient to excuse failing the class. Same thing for physical science - it's round two, but hopefully with different results. Spanish she can forget - she's taking first year French. I won't be able to help her much, because everything I learned I've pretty much forgotten, but I probably can help with the conjugation of verbs. That part I do remember, for some reason. My baby's in high school - I'm getting old.
I've never been good with expressing emotions. I always felt that emotions were a sign of weakness - part of being raised as my father's "son", I suppose. Lately I'm having a hard time bottling up those things that bubble up when people start flinging arrows and stones. Some I deserve. Others, less so. Innocent comments get taken out of context and used to further some cause. I make a genuine post about an overwhelming feeling I have, and someone turns it into an accusation, based on some sort of internet statistic that proves I've posted in response to something else. Frankly, I don't see the connection. I get angry more often than I used to, but I often feel like I've been kicked in the gut too. I'm not accustomed to that one. It usually brings tears. Intended kindnesses are perceived as attempts to control. And this post will be labeled as an attempt to send someone on a guilt trip - but hey - if the shoe fits, baby, wear it out.
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