Ugh. Wednesday. I've been here for all of fifteen minutes, and I'm ready to go back home now. On the plus side, our group decided to treat us to doughnuts and juice this morning, so maybe the sugar will kick in and I'll feel like actually working. I'm trying to conserve energy for this weekend. Tomorrow night and Friday night I have choir rehearsal for the performance with the Philharmonic Orchestra on Saturday at church. The songs are interesting - "Freedom" from Riverdance, "America the Beautiful", of course, and Paul McCartney's "Freedom". As usual, we're more like backup singers than a choir, but that's okay too. Gives us plenty of time to rest while we're standing on stage grinning like idiots. And after we're finished, Pastor Dave will give his thirty minute talk, then there will be fireworks and watermelon. Sunday morning we do a modified version of the program - the Riverdance song gets dropped, and we add Lionel Cartwright's "Free Indeed." But it means showing up at 6:00am for rehearsal, then doing the same program three times between 8:30 and 11:30. By the time it's over, I'll have laryngitis, but it's worth it. I need to sing as much as I need to breathe - I just hope everyone understands that God said to make a joyful noise - he never said it had to sound great ;-)
I've never been good with expressing emotions. I always felt that emotions were a sign of weakness - part of being raised as my father's "son", I suppose. Lately I'm having a hard time bottling up those things that bubble up when people start flinging arrows and stones. Some I deserve. Others, less so. Innocent comments get taken out of context and used to further some cause. I make a genuine post about an overwhelming feeling I have, and someone turns it into an accusation, based on some sort of internet statistic that proves I've posted in response to something else. Frankly, I don't see the connection. I get angry more often than I used to, but I often feel like I've been kicked in the gut too. I'm not accustomed to that one. It usually brings tears. Intended kindnesses are perceived as attempts to control. And this post will be labeled as an attempt to send someone on a guilt trip - but hey - if the shoe fits, baby, wear it out.
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